How to Filter Feedback

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Most people simply don’t receive feedback well, especially if it’s negative. We get defensive or don’t take any action at all. The key to receiving feedback is to filter feedback by determining and understanding what is meaningful and what isn’t. I make no claims at being an expert on this, but I can confidently state that I’ve gotten better at it over the years.

Consider creating the following feedback filters; the lower the number, the less credence you should give that feedback.

Feedback Filter 1: People you don’t know

I give feedback from this group little credence; many psychologists say the feedback people in this group provide really is meant for their benefit, not yours.

Feedback Filter 2: Coworkers

You work with them, and they may seem like friends. But, again, I rarely give much weight to feedback from co-workers. There are too many competitive pressures and workplace dynamics to create much value.

Feedback Filter 3: Family and friends

This is an important group. Although they don’t always see things through the same lens as you do, these people presumably (barring dysfunction) are the most important people in the world to you and have your best interests at heart.

Feedback Filter 4: Trusted advisors

Individuals you respect for their accomplishments, and who you truly believe have no agenda, are the ones who have your best interests at heart. This will be your most valuable group to cultivate and from which to seek feedback.

Regard feedback according to this scale, and you’ll have a better of idea what matters and what doesn’t.

How to Respond When You Hear ‘Yes’

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Just as there are clearly missteps you can make when you hear “yes,” there also are actions you can take that will help remove any trace of doubt that may linger with your target.

Five Moment-of-Yes Do’s

1. Immediately shake hands.

I know, it seems obvious. But you’d be shocked by how many people miss this important moment. For many cultures, dating back to ancient Greece, shaking hands has remained customary for everything from meeting and greeting to saying thank-you and offering congratulations. A handshake also signals the completion of an agreement. Even if I’ve worked with a person for years on a big agreement, I always shake hands to affirm the commitment. Although it may be executed differently in different countries, shaking hands is almost always the socially acceptable thing to do (though, in certain cultures, it’s a good idea to check ­— especially in male-to-female agreements).

2. Offer a reinforcing comment.

While shaking hands, it’s critical to also offer some sort of agreement-reinforcing comment: “This is going to be an exciting project.” “We will do great work together.” “Here’s to accomplishing important work.” Avoid statements such as “Well, here’s hoping it works!” or “Thank you for the opportunity; I hope I make you proud.” The objective here is to fill your target with confidence, not initiate buyer’s remorse or demonstrate that your pitching skills are stronger than your confidence.

3. Give a “next steps” overview.

Be absolutely clear on what will happen next: “Okay, so I’ll work with the legal department this afternoon to put the final details into an agreement. You’ll be deciding which budgets to use. And we’ll collaborate on the project’s announcement this afternoon. By this time tomorrow, we’ll be up and running.” In other words, determine who will handle the purchase order, who will draft the agreement and who is communicating what to others.

4. Make sure your target takes action.

In the example above, the target is given next-step responsibilities. That is intentional. Sometimes in the moment of “yes,” persuaders are so relieved to receive agreement that they take the focus on accountability off the target. Don’t create a “sit back and relax” experience for the target. You want him or her to take action: Make a phone call, provide a signature, send an email, review a document. Set something you and your target can agree on immediately, then schedule a follow-up session.

5. Go public.

Nobody wants to be considered a hypocrite. The majority of people want to perform consistently with their publicly stated ideas and positions. This can take many forms: letting just a few people around the lunch table know about the new agreement, a massive companywide memo or alerting the local and national media. Going public makes that “yes” official by naming those accountable and broadcasting the commitment.

Next time, we’ll cover how to create what I call “perpetual yes.”

How to Ask for a Referral

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While testimonials are static statements for a job well done, a referral is an introduction to another potential client or customer. One person says to another, “You should really talk to Tom. He did terrific work on our project, and he might be able to help you.”

The next best thing to someone witnessing your outstanding performance is a trusted colleague telling someone else about that outstanding performance. Call them referrals, call them introductions, call them networking opportunities. Whatever. Just take advantage of them.

Referrals will help your persuasion efforts because they provide a “warm” contact in your target. You’re a friend-of-a-friend, a welcome visitor, a known entity. This offers instant credibility and removes the time and effort required to “prove” yourself and your credentials or ideas. Your target is immediately and seamlessly involved.

Referral Reluctance

Yet, like testimonials, many people don’t leverage referrals. I call it “referral reluctance.”

They don’t want to imperil a new relationship and are more concerned with being liked than being respected, with gaining affiliation instead of gaining an objective.

They also don’t want to sound like a sales-person. They feel, inexplicably, that they are asking for something instead of contributing something, trying to take instead of give. Sometimes, people feel as though they will put the other person in an awkward position. In those cases, their sympathy outweighs their empathy.

Referral Deferral

On the other hand, there also exists a phenomenon called “referral deferral,” whereby your persuaded target doesn’t want to sound as though he is pushing your business toward others. In some cases, that target might have been “burned” before when making what turned out to be a bad referral to a friend. Or perhaps, people don’t like when they are put in a similar position.

Other possible reasons for referral deferral include not wanting others to think they are part of a manipulative action, don’t know what to say, have a lack of trust or simply possess an innate cynicism that precludes them from reaching out to colleagues and peers.

Ask for the Referral

You can help overcome referral reluctance and referral deferral by establishing a good rapport early on. Securing referrals and introductions shouldn’t be an ambush. If you’re working with someone on a project and think you’d like to leverage that person for future referrals and introductions, simply say something like, “My objective is to make you so deliriously happy that you’ll want to tell others about our great work.”

This will make you memorable, because a lot of people don’t make such bold statements too often. “Deliriously happy” is compelling language, like Babe Ruth calling his shot.

I like to end these kind of conversations with a quick confirming question: “Fair enough?” “Sound good?” Now, your target has gone on record and will be more inclined to follow through on that referral, because he promised he would.

Timing, in business and just about anything else, is everything. Some moments are better than others when asking for a referral. You don’t want to ask too early in the project, because you may not have delivered or begun to show results yet. That would be like proposing marriage on a blind date. You also don’t want to wait too long, because, no matter how well you’ve performed on an assignment, enthusiasm cools and memory fades.

The two best times?

  1. During your project when your target has made a significant positive comment, such as “Working with you is so easy!” Now, that is an opportune time, because I have never seen a project go completely smoothly all the time. There always seems to be a midcourse correction required or a misunderstanding or argument at some point during the process. So take advantage of propitious moments when you can.
  2. When your target has indicated excitement and you sense you can capitalize on it. This might be during your project wrap-up, while reviewing positive results or when you hear such trigger terms as “excellent,” “pleased” “satisfied” “terrific” and the ever-popular “awesome” and “amazing.”

Again, as with testimonials, asking for referrals requires charm and savvy: “We’re thrilled you’re so pleased with the way things went. Remember, our goal was to make you deliriously happy. Who else in the organization could you recommend who might benefit from working with us?”

Here is where terms like “recommend,” “suggest” and “advise” really pay off.

Maintain the Referral Relationship

After receiving a referral, don’t overlook the importance of following up with the referring party. Always keep that person in the loop. That way, he or she can help if the third party isn’t immediately responsive. The referrer also will be motivated to provide you with more contacts and support. After all, the referring party will score some points with their sources, too.

Want to Hear ‘Yes’ More Often? Ask for Testimonials

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The key to long-term career success is not just obtaining agreement; it’s about obtaining agreement again and again and again: Creating perpetual yes.

Several ways exist to help you ensure this cycle of yes — beginning with the obvious: Perform outstanding work. Nothing gets to “yes” more frequently than past success. Now that you’ve succeeded with one persuasion priority, get ready to create perpetual yes by understanding how to create, acquire and leverage testimonials, referrals and personal persuasion evangelists.

A testimonial is static evidence of success (a letter, email or recording), a referral is someone who specifically recommends you to another person for a specific intent, and a personal evangelist is someone who actively sings your praises. You’ll need all three if you want to create what I refer to as a career of perpetual yes.

If you have testimonials and evangelists without referrals, you’ll have no pipeline with cool projects and opportunities. If you have referrals and evangelists but no testimonials, there’s no evidence of your success. If you have testimonials and referrals without evangelists, you’ll lack momentum. Build your rock star career with all three.

Securing Testimonials

A testimonial is an endorsement of either you or your team. It can speak to character, skill, or result, and it can be in written form, a video or a voice recording. Even a personal reference counts as a testimonial.

I’ve never met anyone who said testimonials don’t matter.  Then why don’t more people go out and get them? The best persuaders are constantly accumulating testimonials (just like trophies) for projects well done.

The best way to capture testimonials is when that window of opportunity opens. In social exchanges, that might be when someone compliments you or thanks you. Shyness won’t help you here. Let’s say your happy target shakes your hand, smiles and says, “Thank you! You’ve done a great job on this project. You did everything we talked about and got great results we needed. Thank you!” If you respond with a “Happy to help” or a plain and boring “You’re welcome,” you’re missing a huge opportunity.

You’re target is pleased, so now is the time to ask him for a testimonial. He’s more than likely to say yes than at any other time in the future. But people don’t ask, because they don’t know how, they don’t know what to say, they consider doing so rude or they fear rejection.

When requesting a testimonial, I suggest something like this: “Happy to help. We’re glad the project turned out so well. We’re always trying to spread the good news of what we’re doing in the sales division. Would you take what you’ve just told me and put it in a quick email message so I can show others how pleased you are?”

Get testimonials any way you can. I’ll take a testimonial via text message, email, voicemail message or iPhone video. Sometimes, your happy target might even say, “Write something up, and I’ll give it a look.” Done! Video is most compelling, but I will do whatever the other person prefers in the moment. Don’t be bashful about pulling out your camera or phone right there and shooting 30 seconds of spontaneous support! Don’t fear rejection, either. You can’t walk away with less than you walked in with! You’re simply trying to create leverage to further your goals.

The greatest aspect of testimonials is that they can be used all the time, with both internal and external clients, buyers, and targets. Drop them into conversation with others: “This project is important, and we’re confident about our projections. I know you know Anne Emerich in product development. We worked with her on a big project last quarter. She used the word ‘astonished’ when she described how close her actual return matched our projection.”

Pull pithy quotes and add them to your email signature, too — “the best marketer in Dallas!” — and provide references to them in your proposal cover letters and other materials.

Next time, we’ll focus on referrals.

Persuasion Success: Finish Strong

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In previous posts, I revealed the formula for persuasion success, suggested ways in which to engage your persuasion target, offered ideas about how to explore the persuasion situation and then frame the options for best persuasion results.

As a reminder, here is the formula: Yes = E2F3.

1. Engage your target.
2. Explore the situation.
3. Frame the options.
4. Finesse the rough spots.
5. Finalize the decision.

Now, we’ll explore the last of the three “F” components, and the final step in the persuasion equation: Finalize the decision.

Ask For Your Target’s Opinion

Do not ask for a commitment. Opinions are nonthreatening: Everyone has them, and most people want to share them.

Simply say, “What do you think?”

When You Hear Yes

If you receive a positive response (“I really like the ‘Best’ option you’ve created”), move boldly forward. Finalize and formalize the decision: “Perfect! I’ll have the purchase order on your desk by the end of the day.”

Then consider yours a persuasion success story.

If You Receive a Neutral Response

When your target says, “I’m still not sure,” don’t try right away to secure your “yes.” You have more work to do. Instead, say something along the lines of: “I understand completely. Here’s what I’m going to recommend. Don’t say yes. Don’t say no. Let’s just make sure we’re clear about what we’re talking about and willing to consider it further. Fair enough?”

What reasonable person wouldn’t say “yes” to that? Most will. And guess what? That’s called a nudge.

Ask your target why he or she isn’t sure and what would lead to greater confidence. Is information missing? Would your target like to see additional people backing your persuasion position? Does a formal plan need to be presented?

When You Hear a Flat-Out No

Employ your options: “Okay, if you don’t want to go with the training program for the entire North American distribution channel, perhaps we should just focus on retailers and the field sales force. Or, if you prefer, only the field sales force. Which of those options would you suggest?”

Employ the persuasion equation the next time you need buy-in on a major decision. When formed, framed and finessed, I like your chances of hearing “yes.”

How to Overcome Objections

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In previous posts, I revealed the formula for persuasion success, suggested ways in which to engage your persuasion target, and offered ideas about how to explore the persuasion situation and then frame the options for best persuasion results.

As a reminder, here is the formula: Yes = E2F3.

1. Engage your target.
2. Explore the situation.
3. Frame the options.
4. Finesse the rough spots.
5. Finalize the decision.

In this post, I’ll discuss the second of the three “F” components: Finesse the rough spots and overcome objections. To do this, I’ll liken persuasion challenges to whitewater rafting.

Finesse Any Whitewater

Like rafting through grade five whitewater, the ways in which you navigate resistance to your persuasion attempts determine your success.

Not every target will agree with new ideas (or even old ones). But remember that an objection is a sign of interest; apathy is your real enemy. If people take the time to express counterarguments, skepticism or doubt, they’re engaged enough to invest their time.

Thus, objections are good signs. Here are the categories of typical objections and what you can do to rebut them. These are phrased in the classic “no” method — meaning your target says, “We have no need for such a plan.” And that’s where we’ll begin.

No Need: Just because you see a need, others may not. Needs are hardly universal, so you must create need in the eyes of your target. Highly persuasive people possess strong capabilities of creating need among others. Find and demonstrate alternate uses that your target hasn’t yet considered: “The training program won’t just develop people in our retail channel, but can be used to develop our internal sales force and customer service people, as well.”

No Money: This is probably the oldest and most common objection. “We just don’t have the money.” How many times have you heard that? Money, however, is not a resource; it’s a priority. That means there is always money. The real question is, to whom is it provided? After all, the lights are on, payroll is being met, the plants are being misted and the parking lot is clean. The point of persuasion is to ensure that existing money is provided for your persuasion priority, as opposed to something else. Consequently, it’s essential to make your position a high priority. Justify the investment, explain alternate forms of payment or break down the costs to make them more palatable. Few people buy a $50,000 vehicle; they buy a vehicle for $500 a month.

No Time: This argument — “We just don’t have the time” — is as specious as no money. There is always time. Every day contains 24 hours. The question is, to what priorities will that time be relegated? If someone says there is no time, they mean there is no urgency, which implies that other issues have higher priorities. Hence, it’s up to you to elevate the urgency. Prove to your target why saying “yes” now will benefit that person. Is there a window of opportunity in the marketplace? Is there a particular resource in the organization that is available now, but won’t be later? Is the mood of the organization ripe for this sort of initiative?

No Trust: This is the really big one. No matter how much money, time and need your target has, he or she is not going to support you or your position if that person doesn’t trust you. Trust is a function of your target believing that you understand that person’s position and will help him or her achieve self-interests — rather than manipulate them. Signs of trust include sharing humor, requesting opinions, revealing of details not asked for, accepting pushback and offering assistance. Trust can be gained in 20 minutes, after three meetings or, sometimes, never. Keep your promises, don’t rush and prove your capabilities.

Next up: The final step in the persuasion formula.

Enhance Persuasion by Exploring the Situation

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In previous posts, I revealed the formula for persuasion success and explored ways in which to engage your persuasion target.

As a reminder, here is the formula: Yes = E2F3.

1. Engage your target.
2. Explore the situation.
3. Frame the options.
4. Finesse the rough spots.
5. Finalize the decision.

In this post, I’ll discuss how to explore the situation:

Exploring the situation means delving into the content of the issue, as opposed to navigating the approach.

• What does the issue mean to your target — personally and professionally? By personally, I mean issues such as ego, legacy, gratification, self-worth and off-the-job priorities. By professionally, I’m referring to promotion, remuneration, status, leadership, recognition and perquisites.

• What does the persuasion topic mean to the organization? Is it transformational or minor? Can it mean recovery or market dominance? Will it be widely known and applied, or localized? What are the time implications? Are we talking about a closing window of opportunity? Is there the need to be opportunistic and innovative?

• Examine budget parameters. Can this issue be accommodated within the existing budget and, if so, from one source? Or does it require several (and commensurate consensus)? Is the investment unprecedented, or is there precedent for it? Will other issues be delayed or sacrificed because of the investment?

• Explore risk. Some people have a higher tolerance for risk than others. Will the desired result, in your target’s eyes, justify the identified risk? Can you separate the probability of the risk from its seriousness, so your target can make separate judgments? (Great seriousness can be offset by very low probability, and high probabilities ameliorated by low seriousness.)

• What is the target’s appetite for the change? Is his interest the same as it’s been in the past, or is it enhanced or reduced? Can you suggest preventing actions for any foreseen risks? Have you considered contingent actions for dealing with problems that do arise?

• Does your target — having explored the issue with your guidance — offer solutions, new ideas and insights? Is he clearly excited and willing to take part or even lead? Or does he seem wary and hesitant to commit until others have done so?

If you engage and explore properly, these are all important early indicators. The way in which you ask these questions is critical. Remember that persuasion is an art; it’s a conversation. Don’t interrogate, and don’t try to wing it.

Don’t take sides too early by stating your opinion, either. Leave room for you to appear as a curious but well-informed onlooker. Don’t be a zealot seeking to convert; rather, ask follow-up questions for clarity and understanding. Give your target the opportunity to think and respond. And after he or she does respond, count to four and see if your target adds something else. Don’t rush to fill the silence.

Amazing things can happen in between the conversation.

Here’s the Formula for Persuasion Success

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I’m sure you’re familiar with the mathematical formula for Albert Einstein’s theory of relativity, E=MC2. (Well, we all know that part, but I’ll be smacked if I can find someone who can explain it to me.)

There also exists a formula for persuasion success: Yes = E2F3.

You get to “yes” by engaging your target, exploring the situation, framing the possible options, finessing the rough spots and finalizing the decision.

Yes = E2F3
1. Engage your target.
2. Explore the situation.
3. Frame the options.
4. Finesse the rough spots.
5. Finalize the decision.

The best way to embrace this formula is via the “principle of nudge.” This is a series of small agreements you can elicit from your target.

In most cases, you wouldn’t walk into the office of your company’s vice president and demand more money and power — unless, of course, you have an absolutely monster credibility and track record, and even then I wouldn’t recommend it. That’s like asking a person to marry you on the first date. You can, but it doesn’t make for good policy.

Compare and contrast this:

Q: “May I have $1.5 million dollars and complete unilateral responsibility for a project you’ve never heard of?”
A: “Are you out of your mind!? Get out of here before I call security!”

… with this:

Q: “Will you have a few minutes next week? I’d like to get your input on something.”
A: “Sure.”

(See, you’ve already got your first “yes” by engaging your target!)

The idea is to plan for and then guide your target toward the next yes by following the next step in the persuasion success formula:

Yes = E2F3

Like stepping-stones across a stream, this practice can lead you effortlessly from one agreement to the next. Just ask yourself: What is the appropriate next step?

How Better Chemistry Leads to More Persuasion

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Chemistry. It’s a difficult term to define when referring to personal relationships. Often characterized as people having mutual attraction, rapport or an emotional bond, chemistry is a distinctly human trait — and it can significantly impact interpersonal interactions with your buyers.

You can ask about a hobby or a family member when conversing with your buyer. But how should you emotionally react to his or her response? Should you be sympathetic or empathetic? Should you be engrossed or merely interested? Should you be happy or ecstatic? Do you ask a follow-up question or move on?

Same thing with email correspondence. Does your customer reply to your emails at 2:25 a.m. because he suffers from chronic insomnia? Or does he reply consistently around 6 a.m., suggesting he’s an early riser who gets work done before helping the kids get ready for school?

How and why is this important to you?

Well, the insomniac could be prone to knee-jerk reactions as a result of sleep deprivation. So keep that in mind when persuading this individual. Buyers with small children may be less willing to take risks when considering your offers and subsequent solutions. They, instead, may seek stability and safe options.

Obviously, there’s a lot more at play in persuasion than taking note of these personality traits. But paying attention to the little details can help you be successful when negotiating the bigger ones.

Life is Like a Harley-Davidson Transmission

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Someday, I just need to take a long vacation to recharge.

When things slow down, I’m going to get that MBA.

I just need to make it past this busy period, and then I’m going to learn that new software program.

When we get through the fourth quarter, I’m going to start eating right and get in shape.

How many times have thoughts like those raced through your brain?

Enhancing your education, learning new skills, and taking good care of yourself are all actions that can provide you with the horsepower needed to propel you to a higher level of performance.

But I’ve got news for you: It’s never going to happen.

All of those good thoughts are never going to become reality if you continue waiting for the perfect time. Don’t get me wrong: It’s a fun fantasy, dreaming about uninterrupted time for you to hone, polish and work on all those self-improvement ideas. And it’s one I indulge in myself. But the only people who can really make those things happen seem to be the ones who take professional sabbaticals – something I’ve heard about, but I have never spoken to anyone outside of academia who has actually taken one.

Year ago, I experienced an epiphany: Life is like a Harley-Davidson transmission; it’s constant mesh. This is a mechanical term that describes when all of the gears are in constant engagement with one another. So, if you’re spending time dreaming about when you can actually unplug and carefully study and focus on the ideas that can launch you toward greater success, I’m here to suggest you need another plan. You’re going to have to focus while you’re currently engaged.

Here are four ways you can create change while surviving the “constant mesh” of your career and your life:

1. Embrace the concept of balance.

To successfully ride a motorcycle, you obviously must keep it upright. But there are other dynamics at play, such as centrifugal force, gyroscopic effects and – not unimportantly – a sense of balance in the rider. Compare riding a motorcycle to creating change in a busy career. How do you balance the constant demands placed on you? First, identify your highest two or three priorities. Not 57, but two or three. Then, be reasonable and balanced in your approach to meeting those priorities. Spend one hour a day reading material in your field, for example, and another hour listening to an informative audiobook or podcast. There’s no need to try to do everything all at once. Gradual change is good and even desired. Everyone probably can find 60 minutes each day to make this happen.

2. Realize that energy makes the difference.

Most successful sales professionals I know are well-organized with daily planners, to-do lists and a strong grasp of time management. Perhaps they don’t execute perfectly all the time, but they understand the importance of heading into a day, a workweek or a sales call with a solid plan. For them, that’s nothing more than standard operating procedure. They just need to channel the proper energy to get them through the required tasks. Think back to a customer-service problem in which you played no role but one that affected you, nonetheless. You know that sale you worked so hard to attain but then someone in the home office messed things up? Remember how getting upset and fuming about the circumstances did nothing to alleviate them? That was because you no doubt were channeling the wrong kind of energy. In times like that, you need calm, cool and intelligent problem-solving approaches that will enable you to rectify the situation at hand and create a process to help minimize the chances of it occurring again. Otherwise, you may cause irrevocable damage. Remember, you need to use the right kind of energy to accomplish the right tasks.

3. Forget about perfection.

Do you know anyone who figuratively uses a five-pound sledgehammer to drive a carpet tack? The sledgehammer gets the job done, but it takes more energy than using a tack hammer – and probably damages something in the process. Think about how much energy you are putting into a special project or an everyday task. One of the greatest energy drains is perfectionism. Take a tip from my friend and mentor, consultant Alan Weiss: “Go for success, not perfection.” The energy you spend trying to achieve perfection is usually wasted. The difference between 80 percent and 100 percent is often negligible, and not significant enough to be appreciated by your buyer. So, achieve success, and then use the remaining energy to work toward your other areas of development.

4. Harness the power of circadian rhythms.

The term “circadian rhythm” was coined by Dr. Franz Halberg of Germany in 1959. Loosely interpreted, it means to find what you do best (and when) and then use that information to maximize your performance.