Why Consensus Is Overrated

in

Sometimes the most compelling path to persuasion isn’t via group buy-in. In fact, dissension in the ranks can establish you as a bolder leader.

Leaders are paid to achieve results. Period. They often, therefore, must make tough decisions — decisions that others might shy away from or try to drown in a group setting. U.S. Army General Dwight D. Eisenhower didn’t call a meeting before launching the D-Day invasion of Europe, and US Airways pilot Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger III didn’t ask permission from the control tower prior to landing Flight 1549 in the Hudson River after geese disabled engine power.

In other words, leadership doesn’t happen by committee. When the situation warrants, you need to make the tough call. So the next time you’re in a meeting and consensus regarding your ask seems unforthcoming, be the voice of reason for the group and render a decision that you know will result in the right outcome.

You lead by creating results from which the majority will benefit — even if the majority doesn’t agree with you at that moment.

 

Power Language: How the Proper Words Will Skyrocket Your Persuasive Success

in

Contrary to popular belief, the word “verbal” does not only mean “spoken”; it also means “utilizing words.” What you say and how you say it are often equally important when it comes to convincing others.

Albert Mehrabian, a professor emeritus of psychology at UCLA and author of Nonverbal Communication, tested the effects of such social interactions as cutting into a crowded line and determining whether a smile or a quick excuse would lead to greater acceptance of the transgression. Both did.

But Mehrabian’s research became distorted over the years.

His work is now characterized as proving that words simply don’t matter. Some people who misinterpret Mehrabian’s teachings even use a false statistic — suggesting that words are only seven percent of the power of communication, with style accounting for the other 93 percent. That’s nonsense, and you know it.

Metaphors/Analogies

Here are some vivid business metaphors and analogies you can begin using immediately to “power up” your own language skills:

• “That guy is the LeBron James of R&D. Put the ball in his hands, and watch what happens next.”

• “The proposed region is the Siberia of markets: hard to reach, intolerable climate, excessive regulation, poor communication. Why would we want to go there?”

• “Selling our product is like playing shortstop in the Majors — it looks easy until you try it.”

• “Entering that market would be like exploring a funhouse: Just when you think you’ve seen everything, the floor collapses.”

Adjectives

Also consider unpacking your trunk of adjectives to amp up your power quotient. Instead of simply declaring that your team has to make a decision, try describing it as a crucial decision, or perhaps a far-reaching decision, or a key decision. Be descriptive in your perception of another person’s perspective by using such terms as enlightened, critical, or well-informed.

Remember, a strength overdone is a weakness. But judiciously used, well-chosen adjectives can work tremendously in your persuasion efforts.

Persuasion 360: How to Get Agreement Up, Down and All Around

in , , ,

How do you persuade more than one person at a time? You need to acknowledge group decisions don’t get made in group settings.

Think about that: It’s counterintuitive but inescapably true. Groups hear and discuss, sometimes debate and argue, but they seldom decide as a unit. Rarely will you find a single decision maker. Rather, multiple decision makers — often including but not limited to the budget manager, a hierarchical leader and an informal leader — are involved in the final decision.

Thus, you need to appeal to fiscal prudence, leadership responsibility, charisma or all of the above. Group meetings must be augmented by one‐on‐one meetings to gain support and woo true decision makers. Consider yourself a congressional lobbyist, but one with scruples and a good cause.

You don’t need unanimity or an overwhelming mandate to generate group agreement; you need critical mass. Consensus is something everyone can live with, not something everyone would die for. With that in mind, focus on the pragmatism of the numbers. That means “being right” in your own mind isn’t good enough.

The Psychology of Self‐Persuasion: The First Person Who Needs To Say ‘Yes’ Is You

in ,

Whether it’s chasing a new job, requesting a plumb assignment or making a budget pitch to your board of directors, we all talk to ourselves before we take action. Many psychologists have labeled this ongoing mental dialogue “self‐talk.”

These internal comments impact thoughts, emotions, actions and ultimately careers and life itself. The following quote, attributed to everyone from Mahatma Gandhi to Ralph Waldo Emerson to the president of a leading supermarket chain, illustrates this cause and effect:

Watch your thoughts, they become words;
Watch your words, they become actions;
Watch your actions, they become habits;
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

The point is made even more elegantly in one of my favorite books of all time, As a Man Thinketh, by philosopher James Allen, published just after the turn of the 20th century and reprinted many times. It may very well have been the first “self‐help” book.

“Man is made or unmade by himself; in the armory of thought he forges the weapons by which he destroys himself,” Allen wrote. “He also fashions the tools with which he builds for himself heavenly mansions of joy and strength and peace.”

What are you building?

Photo by Thomas Leuthard

Why You Should Salute When You Hear ‘No’

in , ,

I’m often asked how many times someone should attempt to persuade another person before acknowledging a “no.”

Now, you shouldn’t ignore that “no” or refuse to hear it. But you also shouldn’t easily give up.

My typical response to the above question has come to be known among clients as “the platinum rule of persuasion,” because it works so well: Take two shots, and then salute.

What do I mean by this? If your target says “no” once, reformulate and try again. If, after your second attempt, the target’s response is still “no,” salute and move on.

Of course, I’m not suggesting you actually engage in the physical act of saluting. And I certainly don’t want you to flip the one-finger salute! But a salute in its most traditional form is a display of respect.

In persuasion situations, a “salute” should be an acknowledgement of your target’s opinion and an expression of gratitude for listening to your pitch: “I value your input and respect your decision. Perhaps we can revisit this topic again in the future. For now, though, thanks for your time and consideration.”

You can try again some other day.

man selling advice

Are You Made to Persuade? A Self-Test

in ,

Successful peuasion requires intellectual heavy lifting. Understanding your target, knowing how to increase the value of your offering, choosing the right words and determining the timing of your persuasive efforts all are prerequisites of effective persuasion.

No approach or technique can guarantee persuasion success, but there are ways to determine if you are, indeed, made to persuade.

In professional settings, persuasive people are:

  • Assertive: Inclined to be bold and self-assured.
  • Empathetic: Possessing the ability to see the world from another person’s perspective.
  • Communicative: Adept at applying verbal and nonverbal communication.
  • Tenacious: Extremely persistent in adhering to or accomplishing something.
  • Resilient: Possessing the ability to recover quickly after hearing “no.”

A Self-Test

Rank yourself in each area based on the descriptions below:

1. Assertive

Low: You rarely ever raise a new or contentious issue with others.

Medium: You regularly speak out in meetings and present cases for your statements.

High: Others might describe you as hard-headed or strongly opinionated.

          Low                                      Medium                                                 High

            1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          102. 

2. Empathetic

Low: You rarely consider another person’s perspective.

Medium: You easily determine when others want or don’t want to continue a conversation.

High: You’ve cried tears of joy at another’s success.

         Low                                      Medium                                                 High

            1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10

3. Communicative

Low: You tell everyone the same thing, the same way; you also send a lot of group emails.

Medium: You can explain most things to most people.

High: You intentionally vary both verbal and nonverbal approaches to suit your audience.

          Low                                      Medium                                                 High

            1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10

4. Tenacious

Low: You try to convince people of an idea, but you’re not going force them to agree with you.

Medium: When you want something, you’ll keep trying to get it for a good long time.

High: You hold on to your positions and objectives forever.

           Low                                      Medium                                              High

            1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10

5. Resilient

Low: When people say “no” to you, you feel personally rejected and depressed for days or weeks.

Medium: When rejected, you feel down, reflect on what happened and then move on.

High: Nobody likes to hear “no,” but you quickly shrug it off and move forward.

           Low                                      Medium                                               High

            1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10

Interpreting Your Results

Doing well on this self-test isn’t about scoring 10 in each area; it’s about possessing the right blend of these important behaviors of persuasive people.

A strength overdone is a weakness.

Let’s say you have great voice inflection and people find you an engaging and persuasive public speaker. Go too far with that voice inflection, though, and you’ll sound like a crazy — and not-at-all-convincing — late-night infomercial host.

Here’s my take on the optimum score for each essential behavior of persuasive people:

Assertiveness: You should score around a seven here. You certainly can’t be devoid of assertiveness and still be considered persuasive; at the same time, if you gave yourself a 10, you might have already crossed the line from assertiveness to aggressiveness.

Empathetic: An eight is great. You can’t be tone-deaf to the other person’s needs, but you also shouldn’t make your objectives completely subservient to your target’s every whim. You want to put yourself in the other person’s shoes temporarily; you don’t want to live there.

Communicative: This is where you want to hit the persuasive ball out of the park. Communication skills are crucial. What you say, how you say it, where you say it, when you say it and what you’re wearing all count. You want to be at your best, using both verbal and nonverbal communication to suit the message needs of your audience in much the same way a chameleon changes colors depending on mood and circumstances.

Tenacity: This one might surprise you. To be a persuasive professional, you only should score about a five or six on the tenacity scale. If you hold on to your ideas too tightly, you may quickly establish the reputation of someone who is unreasonable or obstinate. The key to knowing when you’ve gone too far is the ability to decode corporate-speak. When people start telling you they “like your passion,” that’s code for “We think you’ve lost your mind.” When you hear that, ease off the throttle.

Resilient: You need to score around a nine here, because you will face a lot of rejection in your career. No one hears “yes” all the time, so you better learn how to handle “no” appropriately. If someone doesn’t like your suggestion for the new marketing campaign, and you sulk about it for weeks as some sort of personal condemnation, you’re setting yourself up for a brutal existence. I’m not suggesting you be completely unfazed by rejection, either; that sort of momentary unhappiness can stimulate you to reflect and make important and necessary adjustments to your approaches. But the key here is taking action after hearing “no.” Do you get back to work quickly? People who score a nine in resiliency do.

It’s important to understand that your ability to improve is not based on some sort of inherent genetic disposition. You don’t need to be born with a silver tongue in order to be successful at persuasion. 

(Photo by Ryan McGuire via Gratisography)

Want to get more people to say, “Yes!” to you more often?

in , ,

Dress better. A study analyzing people’s inclination to follow a jaywalker dangerously crossing traffic proved very interesting.  Dressed in coveralls and work boots, no one followed the lawbreaker. The same person dressed in a three piece suit, had people following him like the dram major of a marching band.

Some experts suggest you should dress ten percent better than the person you want to persuade. I’m not sure how you would quantify that sort of sartorial precision, but I do know you should look the best you can. When you dress well, are pressed and clean and you’re your shoes are shined, people will follow your lead.

Be assertive, not aggressive. Here’s how:

in , , ,

Be assertive but not aggressive. Assertive people are admired and live to persuade again, and again. Aggressive people are told, “We like your passion.” which is corporate-speak for, “We think you’ve lost your mind!”

How can you be assertive, but not aggressive?

Take two shots, then salute. When you have an idea you’re trying to get buy in for, use appropriate strategies and tactics to best increase your chances. If you get turned down, have another run at it. If you get turned down again, salute and move on. You’ll be seen as ambitious, yet reasonable (You can always resurface this idea at another more propitious time).

If you hold on to your position like a hoarder clenches a 1983 People magazine, you’re going to start to hear your co-workers say, “We like your passion.“

Want to be more convincing?

in , ,

Be convinced.

A biotech marketing director asked, “Mark, how to I get my team on board with a program I don’t believe in?”

My immediate, slightly sarcastic, mental response: These aren’t magic methods.

My actual response: You can’t.

Your external actions and internal thoughts must be in alignment. I call this state congruency. Not to get all “West coast woo-woo” on you, but mental conflict can be felt by those you’re attempting to persuade.

The fundamental persuasion heuristic is this: If you want to be convincing, you have to be convinced.