Bad Language: How to Diminish Your Persuasive Powers

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Some language and phrases used in today’s persuasion conversations should be abolished, no matter what.

Here are three examples:

  1. “At the end of the day … ”

    At the end of the day … what? You come home from work, you do stuff and you eventually go to bed. This phrase makes no sense and serves no purpose in your persuasion arsenal. Avoid. Always.

  2. “I’m just sayin’… ”

    I’m unclear as to when or where this phrase came into vogue, but its usage seems to have increased in recent years — usually as the universal get-out-of-bad-behavior line. People think they can make rude or inappropriate comments as long as they preface or conclude them with, “I’m just sayin’… .” Here’s what not to say in persuasion situations: “I’m just sayin’ that your idea doesn’t exactly solve the problem.” Or this: “Your team is incompetent and plain wrong; I’m just sayin’.”

  3. “LOL,” “JK,” “IMHO,” “LMAO,” “TTFN” and “TTYS”

    Others might not appreciate or even understand such abbreviated phrases. (I had to Google “TTYS,” which means “talk to you soon”). Text-speak is unprofessional and should not be used in written business correspondence, let alone in face-to-face interactions. I read about a mother who was texting her teenage daughter’s friend, whose own mother had recently passed away. In an attempt to comfort her, she signed off on one message with “LOL,” thinking it meant “lots of love.” She was horrified when she found out it actually means “laughing out loud”! Along similar lines, I once found myself explaining “LMAO” to my mother.

If you find yourself employing any of the above, make a mental note and find different ways to express yourself.

Language is like anything else: It requires practice. I try to verbally convey my point on three different levels. One uses simple language (“happy”), another involves slightly more elaborate language (“elated”), and the third encourages the use of multiple syllables and/or the creative side of my brain (“exuberant”). Or how about “help,” “comfort,” and “assuage.”

Work on establishing these three levels of language based on what is appropriate for a particular target. It’s fun, isn’t it? Or amusing. Or even enthralling.

Why You Must Improve Your Persuasion Skills Every Day

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While persuasion is crucial to people’s success for many reasons, they actually spend very little time and effort improving their persuasion skills.

If you’re going to thrive in the eat-or-be-eaten contemporary workplace, you must be able to effectively persuade others. This will provide you with a competitive advantage, because your competitors are more than likely not focusing on their own persuasion skills.

Why?

I call it the “Persuasion Paradox.

The Persuasion Paradox can be summarized like this: At best, many professionals take a mindless approach to persuasion. At worst, they abhor the practice of persuasion, striving to avoid it.

The mindless ones, either consciously or subconsciously, assume that just because they’ve heard people say “yes” to them — and they’ve given the same response to others — they understand the complexities of attaining agreement. This supposition couldn’t be further from the truth. The act of persuasion remains a significant obstacle for many professionals, and they might not even be aware of it. However, like failing to check your blind spot before darting out into the oncoming lane on a narrow highway to pass a slow-moving truck, ignoring this obstacle can lead to disastrous results.

The ones who abhor persuasion want nothing to do with it. They think it smacks of the dreaded word “sales” and conjures images of white shoes, plaid jackets, and glad-handing used-car salesmen. But successful people — who are neither mindless nor abhorrent, incidentally — don’t see persuasion that way. Professionals at the top of their game understand that not only is it is okay for them to promote their ideas and issues; but that it is incumbent on them to do so.

Having someone say “yes” to your ideas, offers and suggestions ranks among the greatest achievements in the business world. It represents validation, respect and acceptance among your peers and others. In author Daniel Pink’s survey of American workers, “What Do You Do at Work?” for his book, To Sell Is Human: The Surprising Truth about Moving Others, he discovered full-time, non-sales workers spent 24 out of every 60 minutes involved in persuasion efforts. To say effective persuasion is merely important is to make an extreme understatement.

Persuasion requires intellectual heavy lifting. Understanding your target, knowing how to increase the value of your offering (or, conversely, decrease the resistance of your target), choosing the right words, and determining the timing of your persuasive efforts all are prerequisites of effective persuasion.

So to stay ahead of your competition and succeed among your peers, work on your persuasion skills on a daily basis. Here are some terrific places to start.

12 Better Ways to Use Your Language Skills

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Superior language skills build the confidence to engage and persuade more people. Here are 12 ways to put those skills to work while convincing others that your way is best:

  1. Teach the vernacular of your business to others, and they will feel more included in the overall experience.
  1. Use the language of your industry to give you “insider’s prestige.”
  1. Recognize that a superior grasp of language is one of the dominant factors in sales success.
  1. Use language to generate empathy.
  1. Lose the tired questions (“Do you play golf?”) and replace them with interesting ones (“How will the recent fires affect your expansion plans in Canada?”). You’ll be more interesting to your buyer and learn crucial information.
  1. Control conversations by strategically including terms like “recommend,” “suggest” and “advise.” Others will follow your lead.
  1. Use permission questions to soften your approach: “May I ask you a question?”
  1. Use adjectives to make your descriptions more vivid: “elegant design” and “compelling point.”
  1. Find relevant examples to prove your points.
  1. Metaphors, similes and analogies remain the bedrock of effective language skills.
  1. Use appropriate language; slang coming from an executive sounds silly.
  1. Practice saying things three different ways. Think basic, intermediate and sophisticated. To that end, I hope you found this blog post helpful. I anticipate you will find instructive ways to implement this material. And perhaps I have assuaged your anxiety about speaking more eloquently.

Click Tricks: How to Write Effective Email Subject Lines

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Arguably the most persuasive element of any email is the subject line. You must treat the subject line the same way you would an initial handshake; it may be your only chance to make a first impression.

And just as a handshake can linger a tad too long, keep the subject line brief, indicating why your message is worth the reader’s time.

There are multiple ways to do this. In his book To Sell Is Human: The Surprising Truth About Moving Others, New York Times-bestselling author Daniel Pink reports on research that determined people open emails based on three factors: utility (opened because the recipient has something to gain or lose), curiosity (opened because the recipient is, well, curious) and specificity (opened because the recipient knows exactly what he or she is getting once the message is opened).

To that end, craft your subject headers to fall into one of the following five categories:

  1. Descriptive: Free Estimates, Free Installation — Throughout 2016!
  2. Fast Fact: More Than 95% of All Adults Don’t Exercise Every Day
  3. Provocative: New Airless Tire Can Take a Bullet
  4. Rhetorical: Are You Tired of Being Left Outside?
  5. Nearly Naughty: Let Us Show You How Much We Love You

Also keep in mind to whom you’re sending the email. The above examples won’t work if you’re crafting internal emails for your colleagues. So try something like this:

Needed: Content Marketing Ideas for Wednesday’s Meeting

Right away, you’re establishing a need that you would like staff members to fill.

Regardless of your intended email recipient, a compelling subject header communicates the bottom line of your message before it’s even opened.

How ‘Thank You’ Can Boost Your Persuasive Power

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Nothing is more powerful in the world of B2B or B2C sales than a face-to-face encounter between a satisfied customer and a credible sales professional. This is the kind of human exchange in which influence can be wielded for the good of both individuals. When a customer or client says “thank you,” for example, you must be able to leverage those words — or risk blowing a major opportunity to take that sales relationship to a higher level.

Here are three things to do when you hear “thank you”:

1. Don’t waste words.

What’s typically the first thing out of your mouth when a customer thanks you? “No problem. That’s why I’m here.” A coworker thanks you for your assistance, and you say, “Sure, it was easy.” A supplier sends a note of appreciation, and you leave it at that. Not only are these relationships not furthered, but you actually also may be damaging them with the responses you give — or don’t give. Making someone feel unappreciated, incompetent or unworthy of a response is a surefire way to not increase your influence.

2. Drop the arrogance act.

Another potential problem is when the thank-you exchange is framed in such a way that the other person feels like he or she has just done a favor for Vito Corleone (“Someday I may call upon you to do a service for me.”) If you respond with a defiant, “And now you owe me one!” you’re just asking for animosity and opposition.

3. Rethink your response.

So how can you avoid under-responding or overreacting to a “thank you”? By using influential language. Robert Cialdini, author of the seminal work Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, suggests saying something like this: “My pleasure, because I know if the situation were reversed, you would have done the same for me!” Then watch as the other person nods furiously in agreement.

That’s how you use language to expertly and subtly earn a “chit” — an informal influence credit. Practice this approach until you’re comfortable using the language of Cialdini or similar language you develop on your own to create compelling yet conversational and influential exchanges.

(Photo by Gratisography)

How Do You Know Your Persuasive Attempts Are Working?

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How can you tell whether you’re making persuasion progress with your target in such areas as trust and credibility?

Here’s how: Consistently observe the other person’s actions — or inactions — to determine the degree to which you’re winning him or her over.

Here are seven sure signs things are going your way:

  1. Your target volunteers information that is not requested.
  2. Your target shares humor.
  3. Your target accepts pushback and contrary views.
  4. Your target requests advice from you.
  5. Your target shares confidential information.
  6. Your target meets deadlines and respects financial limitations.
  7. Your target initiates friendly follow up and continued contact.

Now, keep things going!

Do You Know the ‘Principle of Nudge’?

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Persuasion is built on a series of small agreements, rather than one colossal, ear-shattering, cosmic “YES!!”

People often can be most effectively persuaded when shepherded along gently, not yanked through the streets. A great example comes not from a shepherd, but from my sister-in-law’s Goldendoodle, Lucky.

During one family gathering at my sister-in-law’s home, Lucky was particularly affectionate. He kept rubbing against me, looking for attention, which I happily gave him. After a few minutes, I realized I was no longer in the living room, but in the kitchen. When I mentioned my surprise at the change of venue, my sister-in-law, replied matter-of-factly, “He does that all the time. He brought you out here; this is where we keep his treats.”

Ah, the Principle of Nudge.

How might nudge work for you? Let’s say your persuasion priority is to convince your VP of marketing to allocate dollars and responsibility to you for a new product training initiative. Here’s an example of the series of small agreements you can elicit from your target:

  • “Yes, we can meet to talk about your idea.”
  • “Yes, I can provide information.”
  • “Yes, I can help brainstorm options.”
  • “Yes, I can talk to others in my circle to test the idea.”
  • “Yes, we can run some numbers.”
  • “Yes, we can pitch the board.”

Each yes slowly nudges your target toward the big one: “Yes, I’ll green-light the project.”

In most cases, you wouldn’t walk into your VP’s office and demand money and power (unless you have an absolutely monster credibility and track record, and even then I wouldn’t recommend it).

That’s like asking a person to marry you on the first date. You can, but it doesn’t make for good policy.

Why It’s OK To Use Literary License in Persuasion

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Everybody embellishes stories, at least a little bit. Like that time you told your colleagues who weren’t at the new-client meeting that everyone applauded after your presentation.

I’m here to tell you it’s okay to use literary license in the persuasive stories you tell your prospects. Slight exaggerations, the blending of separate events and the changing of particular details can be done for the benefit of a good cause: your pursuit of getting to “yes” faster.

Now, I’m not recommending you resort to outright lying. There’s a term we use for making up stories, and it’s called “fiction.” Don’t dabble in fiction, but remember that the term “literary license” grants you permission to stretch the truth. Use drama and emphasis to prove your points and make your case. You’ve no doubt heard the phrase, “If this isn’t a true story, it should be.” Make the stories you tell that good.

Here’s an example: “I remember one female customer who came into the store bathed in perfume, with makeup straight from a fashion runway and a leather jacket shinier than chrome.” (The woman may, indeed, have been dressed stylishly and appeared out of place in your store, but isn’t the way I describe her above immensely more memorable?)

No harm, no foul.

(Photo by Patrick Tomasso)

Persuasion 360: How to Get Agreement Up, Down and All Around

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How do you persuade more than one person at a time? You need to acknowledge group decisions don’t get made in group settings.

Think about that: It’s counterintuitive but inescapably true. Groups hear and discuss, sometimes debate and argue, but they seldom decide as a unit. Rarely will you find a single decision maker. Rather, multiple decision makers — often including but not limited to the budget manager, a hierarchical leader and an informal leader — are involved in the final decision.

Thus, you need to appeal to fiscal prudence, leadership responsibility, charisma or all of the above. Group meetings must be augmented by one‐on‐one meetings to gain support and woo true decision makers. Consider yourself a congressional lobbyist, but one with scruples and a good cause.

You don’t need unanimity or an overwhelming mandate to generate group agreement; you need critical mass. Consensus is something everyone can live with, not something everyone would die for. With that in mind, focus on the pragmatism of the numbers. That means “being right” in your own mind isn’t good enough.

Men, Women and the Truth: What You Need To Know To Hear ‘Yes’ From Both

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Men and Women

Remember that old “men are from Mars, women are from Venus” shtick? What did that really mean?

Here are 10 ways, based on real science, to help you break down gender differences in everything from networking to negotiating:

1. Men often overstate their abilities; women understate them.

Do your best to find the truth somewhere in the middle.

2. To men, “help” is a four-letter word.

Don’t give it to them unless they ask.

3. Men buy; women shop.

Keep that in mind when determining how slow or fast you should move.

4. Gender behavior is based on brain structure and body chemistry.

Differences in estrogen, testosterone and oxytocin affect moods, behaviors and decisions.

5. Gender behavior changes with age.

As men and women get older, testosterone and estrogen levels decrease respectively. This results in women becoming more assertive and men more accommodating.

6. Men decide; women ruminate.

After making a decision, the male brain shuts off. Female brains, however, continue to worry and second-guess. So when a female colleague says, “I’ll have to think about it,” that usually means she does need to think about it.

7. Women are better at negotiating for a group; men are better at negotiating for themselves.

Think about this when appointing project leaders.

8. Women tend to avoid conflict situations; men tend to avoid emotional scenes.

Again, this is an important consideration when assigning tasks.

9. Women respond better to stories than facts.

It may take you longer to state your case, but that’s not the point.

10. Women have better peripheral vision and will most likely notice that family photo on your desk.

What better way to get to know your new boss than having her ask about your spouse and kids!

(Photo by flashcurd via imcreator.com)