How to Make a Positive (and Provocative) First Impression

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We all know that feeling of walking into a room in which we know absolutely nobody. You might think everyone is staring at you, and that could be true. In fact, they’re already forming opinions about you based on your posture, demeanor, attire, and overall appearance. That can be a harsh reality to face, especially if you’re looking back at a conference room full of expressionless members of the board of directors.

The same thing happens in networking situations, which is why you should enter a room of strangers with a minimum/maximum mindset. Develop a range of goals, which will help you survive in uncomfortable situations. For example, during a social function at an industry trade show, don’t set expectations so high (drumming up new business with everyone you meet) that you’re bound to wind up disappointed. Instead, determine that your minimum objective will be, say, to leave with at least one solid lead for a new client, while your maximum objective could be to set up a personal meeting or teleconference to hammer out details of the new business you just acquired.

To get to that point, though, you must exude confidence. So be prepared by researching your targets, developing three intriguing questions for any new person you meet  — Where are you from? How did you land in your current position? What’s your take on the new industry regulations? — and then be genuinely interested in what they say. In turn, your targets will take an interest in you and your business. Think of this counterintuitively: When they are talking, you are making a good impression.

While what you have to say and how you say it can trump the fact that you might have a pumpernickel seed stuck between your front teeth after that morning bagel, it still pays to practice sartorial persuasion. In other words, dress well. In most business situations, that means your attire when visiting an organization’s headquarters should be 10 percent more professional than what employees typically wear there to work every day. If the men dress in polo shirts and button-downs, you should wear a sport coat without a tie. If the women wear skirts and blouses, you do the same and add a blazer with a bit of jewelry. If you don’t know what the office attire is, better to err on the side of caution. Same goes for trade shows and industry gatherings.

Would you rather be overdressed or underdressed? Do you want people to think that you give your appearance thoughtful consideration? You better, because if you’re reliable in your attire, people will presume you’re also a likeable and trustworthy person to whom they can (and should) say “yes.” Remember the halo effect?

How to Win Back Credibility

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As chairman and CEO at General Electric for 20 years between 1981 and 2001, Jack Welch was known as “Neutron Jack,” because his often-draconian decisions left buildings standing but removed all the people. When GE suffered a variety of public bruisings — scandals within the multinational corporation’s credit department, price-fixing with diamonds in South Africa, money-laundering and fraud in Israel — Walsh unilaterally announced that henceforward managers not only were required to meet performance goals, but had to do so within the company’s value system. Doing one without the other would be insufficient. And, in short order, a conglomerate that manufactured everything from light bulbs to locomotives became a model company because Jack Welch had regained his, and his company’s, credibility.

“I think you know in life what’s a good thing to do and what’s a bad thing, and I did a bad thing. And there you have it,” Hugh Grant told Jay Leno in 1995 after the actor was caught with a prostitute in Los Angeles. Grant went on to become a successful leading man in Hollywood — in part, I’ll argue, because he admitted his mistake and blamed no one but himself. That’s one way to mend a credibility gap.

President Bill Clinton, another man whose moral temptations got the best of him, was impeached for inappropriate actions with an intern and then lied to Congress about his behavior. He emerged as a consensus builder and a brilliant politician.

If those guys can regain their credibility, so can you. Here are 10 steps to put you back in good graces with colleagues and associates:

1. Assess the damage.

Try to understand what really occurred, factually and perceptively, that caused you to lose credibility. Ask others if you need objective help, because you can’t afford to underestimate the damage or assume it will pass with time. The damage O.J. Simpson did to his credibility did not pass with time.

2. Start rebuilding credibility with small steps.

Engage a few people or groups at a time, focusing on low-key topics and non-controversial issues. Make sure you deliver what you promise when you promise.

3. Admit your error.

Honesty counts for a whole lot in business. Lies have no place in running an ethical operation. Lying about a mistake or passing the blame will only undo whatever credibility you’ve managed to hold onto.

4. Learn the language of apology.

Sharing information about pending and completed decisions, apologizing for mistakes, and listening to and responding to concerns, questions and comments are at the core of leadership credibility. Simply understanding the power of apologetic language is a huge recovery step.

5. Channel your inner Johnny Carson.

Johnny Carson is one of my all-time favorite American entertainers. When a guest would mention a current event or piece of knowledge outside of Johnny’s realm, the host didn’t feign understanding, try to take over the conversation, or “one up” the guest. He simply said, “I did not know that.” That’s what I say now, and so should you.

6. Understand selective memory.

Allow some events to fade. Don’t keep reminding people of previous transgressions. You may have been tipsy at an office party, but someone else probably drank a lot more than you.

7. Realize that credibility is a volume knob, not an “on/off” switch.

It’s impossible to be “mostly pregnant,” but you can be “mostly credible.” Seek success, not perfection. Think of the needle registering on a gauge: You want it to keep rising, which represents strong and steady progress. It’s doesn’t need to be revving on the red line in order to be working properly.

8. Remember that all things are relative.

Nobody is asking you to be “the most credible” person ever at your job. You simply need to be credible. It doesn’t matter if you’re the most popular guy in the office or the best-liked gal in your department, so why strive to be the most credible? Such distinctions carry little weight in most cases.

9. Conduct conversations about your lapse.

This will allow you to prove you’re in a much better place now. Just don’t raise the issue incessantly. If you’re comfortable conversing about it, you’re going to make it a topic of conversation and not a cause célèbre.

10. Shake it off.

Don’t let mistakes undermine everything you do. Ignore the “doom loop” mentality of struggling with a credibility issue or an incident that serves only to further undermine your confidence and credibility.  Let it go the way an athlete overcomes a minor injury. Don’t go running to the training room or, worse, admit yourself to the hospital.

Follow these tips, and get ready to watch your credibility climb.

Here Are Four Ways to Lose Credibility Quickly

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Now that I’ve shared four ways to boost your credibility, here are four ways to jeopardize it.

There is only one condition worse than not having credibility, and that is having had credibility and losing it. Credibility lost is extremely hard to regain, so let’s look at key causes and successful prevention techniques:

1. Your success track record ends.

When that happens, so will your credibility. You either will make continuous progress and achieve victories, or you won’t. The choice is yours.

2. You become deceitful.

Most unethical conduct is committed for the organization’s gain, not personal gain. But that doesn’t lessen the impact. “White lies” in business — unlike those in family situations, where the complete truth might significantly hurt a loved one — can be tolerated in very few situations. When someone knows that you’ve lied, that person immediately questions what else you’ve been lying about, are lying about or will be lying about. And that, friends, throws your credibility over the edge of the cliff.

3. You fail to share credit, thus undermining credibility.

That’s why I continue to emphasize accepting blame and sharing credit. It’s better to risk providing credit to even peripheral contributions than to fail to reward it for just one person.

4. Your ego becomes bigger than a balloon in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

If you think only of, about and for yourself, that will become quickly apparent to those around you. You must demonstrate that you’re acting with others in mind via gestures of generosity that are clearly visible. A simple and public “thank you” often packs more punch than a reward handed over in the privacy of an office. There are reasons why the U.S. military puts medals on people in front of a lot of other people.

Can you return from credibility self-immolation?

It’s tough, but yes. And when you do, you’ll be joining a club of famous people who came back from the abyss to reinvent their careers and (in some cases) attain even higher heights — including Bill Clinton, Hugh Grant, Robert McNamara, Tiger Woods, and Jack Welch.

Four Ways to Elevate Your Credibility

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In a previous post, I asked about how much credibility you have. Depending on how honestly you answered that question will determine whether you keep reading this post.

Here are four ways to build more credibility in the eyes of everyone you encounter:

1. Realize that nothing breeds success like success.

Publicize your successes, but don’t boast about them. Demonstrate your triumphs, relate your victories, repeat your progress. This is what I refer to as starting small, but just because they’re small doesn’t mean they aren’t worth noting or discussing. In short: Walk the walk. In so doing, you will acknowledge others’ contributions (accept blame, share credit) and begin to mold a track record of success.

2. Create a “rational future.”

I observed Steve Ballmer, post Bill-Gates, attempt to rally the troops at Microsoft’s 25th anniversary bash in 2000, and what he intended as a show of great energy and passion came across as bizarre beserkness (which is exactly what the press reported and the investors perceived). Ballmer retired from the company in early 2014 after 14 years as CEO. A rational future has nutrients and sustainability; it’s not a sugar donut that is quite tasty when you eat it but leaves you worse off than before. Literally walking over hot coals to try to build self-esteem is like downing one giant sugar donut, because that skill (perspiring feet) has no applicability in the course of daily work or life. Thus, help people see a future with pragmatics in the present, as well as logical arguments and persuasive appeals.

3. Become clearly accessible and accountable — or, in other words, “transparent.”

I remember college professors who held regular office hours and seemed genuinely happy to welcome students, while other professors seemed to take wicked pleasure in ignoring their students. The former had far more credibility when it came to respecting their opinions and critiques. After all, people are less likely to argue with an individual who is clearly available and responsible.

4. Hang out with all-stars.

Leadership coach Marshall Goldsmith says that in order to be a thought leader, you must surround yourself with other thought leaders. The same principle applies to credibility. Find people with impressive credibility credentials within your own organization or community and align yourself with them. Learn from them and support them, and eventually you’ll become like them.

Next time, I’ll explore four ways you can easily lose credibility.

How Much Credibility Do You Have?

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Credibility cannot be achieved if you do not possess the following three attributes: expertise, track record and respect.

1. Expertise

Expertise means that you actually comport yourself as an expert. Experts’ opinions are believed and sought; they are not generally subject to quibbles or arguments. No one has ever walked up to Peter Drucker and challenged his thinking about management strategy.

You gain expertise through experiences, education, observations and boldly moving on from both your victories and your defeats. It’s fine to be defeated in a good cause if you learn from it. That’s how you hone your skills — through continual application and real-world use. It’s often said that saints engage in introspection, while sinners run the world. Think about that.

In a rapidly changing world of technology, globalization and shifting social mores, expertise is an ongoing act, not a static position. How do you know you’re an “expert”? Because people cite you, quote you, defer to you, ask your opinion and use you as the standard. Even if all that only happens within your own organization.

2. Track Record

Nothing succeeds in promoting credibility like results that others can see, touch, feel, hear and smell. In other words, don’t just talk the talk; walk the walk. Track records don’t require uniform and unblemished successes. In fact, it’s better that they show variation. The idea is to constantly improve.

The best batters in baseball, on average, only get a hit in every three at bats. The key idea regarding looking back on your successes and failures is to build on your strengths. We spend too much time evaluating defeats and focusing on correcting weaknesses. Determine how and why you were successful, and seek to replicate that success. Weaknesses will simply atrophy.

3. Interpersonal Skills/Respect

By “respect,” I mean not merely affection. No one respects people who can only win if someone else loses, or who see life as a zero-sum game. You don’t have to like everyone, but you do have to remain civil. When you share, you gain respect; you also gain respect when you accept responsibility, when you volunteer and when you effectively negotiate and honestly resolve conflict.

Engendering respect requires the savvy use of interpersonal skills. The ways in which you communicate with colleagues, associates and clients play a large role in credibility and prove your ability (or inability) to create allies instead of adversaries.

Advice from a Yogi

An important factor in leveraging these three components is the willingness to coach others. Coaching builds your expertise, your track record and your respect. It’s like “one stop shopping.” As Yogi Bhajan, the late spiritual leader and entrepreneur who introduced kundalini yoga to the United States, once said: “If you want to learn something, read about it. If you want to understand something, write about it. If you want to master something, teach it.”

How to Persuade Large Groups of People

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You know the feeling: You must make a big presentation to a group of stakeholders or potential partners and convince them to support your idea or do business with you.

Presuming you’ve done all the necessary prep work — researching your audience and its needs, developing your case and having the data to back up your pitch — you’re not done yet.

Think about your audience and determine how you want them to act upon conclusion of your presentation. Do you want people to donate money to your new fundraising effort? Spend time thinking about alternatives to reducing staff in the marketing department? Leave the room more fired up than ever to go out and acquire new high-end clients?

Doing that kind of persuading requires the need to motivate and move people, giving them reason to believe in your cause.  You would be dumbfounded to know how many presenters fail to articulate this in their own minds. If they can’t even do that, how are they expected to persuade others?

So make sure, to paraphrase Renée Zellweger’s character, Dorothy, in Jerry McGuire, you have them at “hello.” Tell a little joke, share a fascinating fact or scintillating statistic, ask a rhetorical question, or recite a short anecdote about something that happened to you on the way to work this morning. Whatever you do, stay away from kindergarten teacher and rock star banter: “I can’t hear you!”

Then quickly move on to presenting your case, introducing third-party research to support your statements and citing examples to provide context for your specific audience. Take time during your presentation to answer questions that arise, which suggests you’re open to what others have to say and are not driven exclusively by your own agenda. Asking your audience to save all questions until the end of your presentation dilutes your message and significantly diminishes your persuasive potential — especially if there are a lot of questions.

Responding to questions throughout rather than at the end allows you to conclude with a memorable call to action and an anecdote.

Then, all you need to do is wait for that “yes.”

Be More Persuasive By Asking More Meaningful Questions

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Obtaining meaningful background information is critical when in the process of making a sale — and it will make you appear more persuasive in the eyes of everyone from your buyer to your boss.

In order to do that, try asking questions like these:

  • “If I may inquire, how long have you been thinking about this?”
  • “What prompted your research for this [car, computer, consultant]?”
  • “You sound informed; where have you done your research?”
  • “What do you know about [some feature, product, or approach]?”
  • “Have you determined a reasonable budget for this purchase?”
  • “Are you hopeful to have this done by [this quarter, the end of the year, after the snow melts]?”

These questions will give you a fairly solid idea of where your buyer is in his or her purchase cycle. Don’t be afraid to ask for specifics. If the buyer says, “I’ve looked online.” You can come back with, “Where, specifically?” The idea is for you to augment the prospect’s online research with your own knowledge, company information, and other services, and to obtain enough background information to help move you to the head of the pack in terms of being able to help this prospect.

A jumbled, incomplete account of a prospect’s history – “The company is thinking about maybe hiring a consultant to help with employee stuff; not sure what made them call us; sounds like they’ve talked to some other firms; they think they have budget and are planning to do something sometime next year” – does no one any good.

The prospect’s history, as obtained by a high-performance salesperson, should read something like this:

“Mack & Howe are looking for a consultant to help reduce employee turnover; they came to us because they read about our company in Forbes; they have already talked with two other firms: Deloitte and Stevens & Associates; are looking to spend between $50,000 and $75,000; and they want to have an initiative in place by the first quarter of next year.”

Or this:

“Prospective buyer is named Kurt Samson and is currently driving a 2007 Lexus; has heard great things about the new Lincolns and wanted to check them out; he’s considering a Cadillac, too, and has visited both local stores; customer is working at the medical center as an anesthesiologist and is expecting a nice end-of-year bonus to put toward this purchase, which he doesn’t want to cost more than $500 per month; open to leasing.”

In both of these sample profiles, the salesperson has gathered the prospects’ names and interests, as well as key details about employment, what prompted them to consider the salesperson’s organization, where else they’re looking to buy, their purchase time frame and a good deal of info about financials. All of these details should be recorded in the organization’s customer relationship management system, on a spreadsheet or even in a notebook. They will likely be referred to time and again before the deal closes.

As a salesperson armed with this information, I know with whom I’m potentially competing. Combine this knowledge with other information I’ve acquired about the prospective buyer, and I now possess very specific details that will help me best serve the customer. And when my sales manager inquires about the crucial information I’ve obtained from a prospect, I can emphatically answer in the affirmative and show the information.

This is performance-based selling — and it makes you more professional, more credible and more persuasive.

 

How to Create Your Own Halo Effect

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One idea critical to increasing a person’s persuasiveness is the so-called “halo effect” — which doesn’t receive as much attention as it should. When we judge others positively in one aspect of their lives, we often judge them positively in other unrelated aspects. This is known scientifically as exaggerated emotional coherence, and more commonly referred to simply as the halo effect.

Edward Thorndike first observed the halo effect in 1920 via a paper called “The Constant Error in Psychological Ratings,” which analyzed military officer rankings of subordinates. If a soldier boasted a strong physical appearance, he also was considered to have impressive leadership abilities. If he were loyal, he also was rated as highly intelligent. The correlations proved way too consistent for Thorndike, who determined that officers’ impressions in one area of a soldier’s experience too often colored their impressions in another.

That practice holds true today. If someone is attractive, he also usually is considered smart.  If a person appears enthusiastic, she often also is perceived as hard working. Friendly? Must be a good leader, too. We draw generalized conclusions based on a specific data point.

Priming the Halo Pump

First is foremost. People’s impressions are colored by the first piece of data they receive, and their subsequent impressions are shaped by that data. One of the earliest and most enduring studies of first impressions and the halo effect was completed by psychologist Solomon Asch, who asked people to evaluate the personalities of two individuals named Alan and Ben.

Alan: intelligent – industrious – impulsive – critical – stubborn – envious

Ben: envious – stubborn – critical – impulsive – industrious – intelligent

Obviously, the series of adjectives used to describe Alan is simply reversed for Ben. Here’s the catch: Although the same words appeared in a different sequence, test subjects always viewed Alan significantly more favorably than Ben. Even Alan’s negative characteristics were seen more positively, because of the positivity applied to the initial descriptors. If someone you view positively possesses a stubbornness streak, you consider him a person who takes a principled stand. On the other hand, if you already have a negative impression of that person, the stubbornness can be seen as a sign of inflexibility and unwillingness to consider new ideas.

Creating Your Halo

The clear takeaway here is to attempt everything you can to make your entry point with a target positive in some way. As a general rule and in the earliest stages of a relationship with a target, you should dress well, be friendly and approachable, and be well read, well traveled and conversational. Be able to articulate your value and add important contributions to discussions. Make a favorable impression early, and you’ll dramatically improve the likelihood of hearing “yes” later.

Meeting an important target with whom you want to cultivate a positive and persuasive relationship? The savvy professional puts thought into not only how to make a positive impression, but also how to shape conversations. For example, consider the context of the meeting. Will it be a formalized business setting, such as a boardroom? Or will it be a more casual one-on-one exchange in an office? Conduct some research and explore similarities, interests and unusual aspects of the target’s background. Be prepared to speak intelligently about the issue at hand, ask intelligent questions and add a thought-provoking perspective.

Your halo will be showing soon.

The Best Way to Start A Conversation

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Take a page from business consultant and best-selling author Jim Collins: Start a conversation with the question, “May I ask, where are you from?” You’ll receive a host of varying responses, upon which you can build the rest of the conversation. Individuals may respond by mentioning a locale (I’m from Pennsylvania.), a company (I work at Microsoft.), an industry (I work in the tech sector.) or even a discipline (I’m in finance).

Then ask an intriguing follow-up question: “How did someone from Pennsylvania end up all the way out here in California?” “What’s the best aspect of life at Microsoft?” “What’s the most common misconception about working in the finance world?” You’ll more than likely receive an engaged response, which is fantastic.

Although you’re asking someone to talk about himself, your line of questioning will make you seem more interesting, too.

If you can make one favorable impression with someone early on, it will build positivity in other areas of your business relationship, too.

How Your Face Can Betray Your Words

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A biotech marketing director once asked me, “Mark, how do I get my team onboard with a program I don’t believe in?”

My immediate, slightly sarcastic mental response: There’s no magical approach.

My actual response: “You can’t.”

Your external actions and internal thoughts must be aligned. I call this “congruency.”

A Harley-Davidson dealer wanted my help increasing sales of new motorcycles at his store. So I did what consultants do: I evaluated the market, employee skills, dealership processes and the like. Improvements could be made, but something else was wrong. When I casually asked the motorcycle sales manager what kind of motorcycle he rode, he replied, “Oh, I don’t ride motorcycles. They’re overpriced and dangerous.”

Mystery solved.

If that sales manager didn’t support what he was selling, how in the world could he convince his customers? If you are promoting a product, an idea or an initiative, ethically you need to believe in it. And even if we were to put the ethical issue aside for a moment, if you don’t believe in what you’re talking about, your facial expressions and body language will give you away.

In 1966, two social scientists by the last names of Haggard and Isaacs filmed husbands and wives engaging in difficult conversations. Who manages the money? How should we raise the kids? All sorts of emotionally charged issues were discussed during these therapy sessions. During the exchanges, Haggard and Isaacs took notes on even the briefest facial expressions made by the couples and discovered what they called “micromomentary facial expressions” — commonly referred to today as microexpressions.

Microexpressions last between 1/5 and 1/25 of a second and typically occur during high-stakes conversations when someone has something to lose or gain, and at least one person is attempting to suppress his or her true feelings about something. Subsequently, the other person almost always senses this disconnect.

Is your mouth saying something different than your face?